Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
