Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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