im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
