Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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