you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it penis luge time yet?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
