Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
