Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If I die, sorry about rent.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
