Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
