still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
