I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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