I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
