You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
