I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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