Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize