It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
