based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
