I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
this hospital has no fireball
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
