what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
