my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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