it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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