well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
