You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
