Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
