I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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