I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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