I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize