booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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