just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
