"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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