It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
