i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize