Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
