P.S. I can't hear my feet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
