I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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