No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
