dude i'm inner monologue high
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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