I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
