I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
