Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
