There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize