I'm gonna have a badass scar
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
