you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
