3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
