if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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