As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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