Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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