he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
