If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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