there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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