If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
