i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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