You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
