It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
