My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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