I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
