Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
