Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
