I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
