the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
