every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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