Can i not drive my cunt home
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
