I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
