You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
