I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
