I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
