Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
