you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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